Nightmare? [The first album]

by Ilseha

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1.
It's all messed up inside It's all hazy Like a misty night Nowhere left to run and hide This is crazy Why can't I see That precious light? There's just darkness now Like a cloudy sky And with it an eerie silence is born Like the calm before the storm Like the calm before the storm It's all messed up inside It's all hazy Like I lost my sight Though my eyes are open wide I'm a zombie This is not me This isn't right There's just darkness now Like a starless sky And with it an eerie silence is born Like the calm before the storm Like the calm before the storm The storm is coming closer As the darkness sets in The silence is taking over Warning for it to begin The battle can start any moment now Cold chills running over my skin I can hear all the voices starting to shout Please don't let them win... It's all messed up inside It's all hazy No, this isn't right I see no one by my side No, it's just me Yes, it's lonely In this night There's just darkness now Like the pitch black sky And with it an eerie silence is born Like the calm before the storm Like the calm before the storm
2.
I'm still in love with you Or with who you were I know it isn't real But just how I remember You You I know you probably changed In the years that passed But it's like I'm chained By the dead hand of the past To you You I know these feelings don't make sense Oh I know, but I can't turn them into past tense I can't let go 'Cause I'm still stuck On the memories I know time has passed But I can't set myself free I know I need to Let go of what was But I can't seem to Let go of that love I'm in love with a ghost Love I'm in love with the ghost of you I'm still in love with you Or with my fantasy 'Cause after all these years This image I have can't be You You And after all these years I still feel love I wish it wasn't true But I still think the world of You You I know these feelings don't make sense Oh I know, but I can't turn them into past tense I can't let go 'Cause I'm still stuck On the memories I know time has passed But I can't set myself free I know I need to Let go of what was But I can't seem to Let go of that love I'm in love with a ghost Love I'm in love with the ghost of you And I know it can't be true 'Cause that image I have of you isn't you You are not you And I know it cannot last 'Cause that image is just a ghost from the past You are not you But I'm still stuck On the memories I know time has passed But I can't set myself free I know I need to Let go of what was But I can't seem to Let go of that love I'm in love with a ghost Love I'm in love with the ghost of you
3.
"You're still so young" "You're getting old" "Be independent" "Do as you're told" It's all so contradictory I don't know what's expected of me... "It can't be done" "Don't give up hope" "Time to settle down" "Go trot the globe" It's all so contradictory I don't know what's expected of me... Anymore And now I don't know what to do I'm just panicking, panicking, panicking How will I ever make it through All this worrying, worrying, worrying I feel like I'm stuck in between A quarter-life crisis where things Cause all this pressure and all the stress got me stuck It clipped my wings And now I'm panicking, panicking, panicking "Time to give up" "Weather the storm" "Stay true to yourself" "Bend to the norm" It's all so contradictory I don't know what's expected of me... Anymore And now I don't know what to do I'm just panicking, panicking, panicking How will I ever make it through All this worrying, worrying, worrying I feel like I'm stuck in between A quarter-life crisis where things Cause all this pressure and all the stress got me stuck It clipped my wings And now I'm panicking, panicking, panicking 'Cause I'm too old to just sit idly by And watch others take care of things But I'm too young still to be seen as wise Still too young to pull any strings Sometimes I feel like I am paralyzed From the confusion that this age brings And all this stops me from learning to fly And now I don't know what to do I'm just panicking, panicking, panicking How will I ever make it through All this worrying, worrying, worrying I feel like I'm stuck in between A quarter-life crisis where things Cause all this pressure and all the stress got me stuck It clipped my wings And now I'm panicking, panicking, panicking From all this worrying, worrying, worrying Yeah I'm just panicking, panicking, panicking 'Cause it clipped my wings It clipped my wings It clipped my wings It clipped my wings
4.
Invisible 04:05
You were like an angel In my eyes You were always there for me You were always nice I always thought that I Didn't deserve someone like you And I guess you thought that too... But did you have to go that far? I know I took you for granted But what you did Made me feel like I was hit With a gigantic wrecking bar And I still feel miserable Because you act like I'm invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible You're still like an angel In my eyes Even after everything I must be hypnotized I always felt like I Wasn't the best that you could do I guess I still feel that's true... But did you have to go that far? I know I took you for granted But what you did Made me feel like I was hit With a gigantic wrecking bar And I still feel miserable Because you act like I'm invisible You made me feel like the devil incarnate 'Cause for you to do something like that I must have messed things up pretty bad You made me feel like a piece of garbage Ready to be thrown out just like that... You could have talked to me You could have used your words But you chose to do worse... You could have talked to me You could have said something But you chose to cling To silence... But did you have to go that far? I know I took you for granted But what you did Made me feel like I was hit With a gigantic wrecking bar And I still feel miserable Because you act like I'm invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible
5.
Masquerade 03:25
I've been hiding away Behind a mask Trying to laugh it off But the pain still lasts I've been hiding away Showing another me Through a masquerade All these years And all I ever did was hide All these fears Had grown inside All this darkness It felt wrong But the show must go on All these years And all I ever did was act All those cheers Were fake, in fact That happiness It felt wrong But the show must go on I've been hiding away Behind a mask Trying to laugh it off But the pain still lasts I've been hiding away Showing another me Through a masquerade Always smile when you're on stage Keep your true self locked in a cage Don't let your inner feelings shine through 'Cause they might hurt you All these years And still I've never shown my face All these tears Have flowed backstage All this sadness It feels wrong But the show must go on
6.
Nightmare 04:06
I feel weird in my own body I know it's me but something's not right I can't see clear, everything's all foggy I guess it won't be a peaceful night My dream seems to have turned into a nightmare Dark goo is oozing from the ceiling I want to run but I can't even walk I can't really place this strange feeling I want to scream but I can't even talk My dream seems to have turned into a nightmare A peaceful moment of bliss has turned into a weird scare Big eyes are watching from a corner Although they don't seem to be looking at me I turn around while I get chills from horror I feel a presence but there's nothing to see My dream seems to have turned into a nightmare A peaceful moment of bliss has turned into a weird scare All I wanted was a little rest, it's just not fair Got blood on my hands, but I blink and it's gone I'm caught on fire, but I blink and it's gone My hands are tied up, but I blink and it's gone It makes no sense, what the hell's going on?! My dream seems to have turned into a nightmare A peaceful moment of bliss has turned into a weird scare All I wanted was a little rest, it's just not fair Can someone please help me wake up from this nightmare? Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up Wake up! Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up Wake up! Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up Wake up! Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up
7.
So I still haven't found My true love, that special someone No sign or sound Have I missed him, is he long gone? What can I do? Kiss all frogs till I find the one? Don't say that's true Oh, no... I don't wanna hop From one to another I can't just drop My feelings and jump In at the deep end Oh, why even bother? I'll never dare to dive right in... I do wanna try Dip my toe in the water But I can't lie To my own heart I'm still not ready So why even bother? I don't belong in that pool of love... So I still haven't found My true love, that special someone No sign or sound Have I missed him, is he long gone? What can I do? Kiss all frogs till I find the one? Don't say that's true Oh, no... Oh I know I Need to get out more And I do try But it's just not me I'm used to hiding Save in my own bubble No, I just can't jump in with both feet... So I still haven't found My true love, that special someone No sign or sound Have I missed him, is he long gone? What can I do? Kiss all frogs till I find the one? Don't say that's true Oh, no...
8.
Zombie 04:00
I feel like I'm sleeping But I'm not in my bed I feel like I'm drifting An outer body experience or something like that I'm feeling exhausted Like I'm in a trance I feel like I lost it... I feel like I'm living my life like a zombie I'm just standing here and let life pass me by I can see everything that's happening around me But I'm not in control I feel like I'm tipsy But I haven't touched a drop I feel like I'm tripping A psychedelic experience which I can't stop I'm feeling lightheaded Like I'm in a trance I feel like I lost it... I feel like I'm living my life like a zombie I'm just standing here and let life pass me by I can see everything that's happening around me But I'm not in control I lost control and I just can't find The switch to get me in charge inside My body won't do what I want it to do I feel like a zombie, like I'm sleeping through All of the best parts, I wish I just knew How to wake up and how to start anew I want to take charge but I just have no clue How to break through... I'm a zombie zombie zombie I feel like a zombie Like I'm sleepwalking through life I feel like I'm not me Depersonalization in some ways sounds right I'm feeling distorted Like I'm in a trance I feel like I lost it...
9.
I don't know what I want I don't know what I need I don't know I don't know I just don't know I don't know what to do I don't know what to say I don't know I don't know I just don't know I just don't know where my life is taking me I just don't know and it makes me scared... sometimes I just don't know who I'm meant to be I don't know I don't know I don't know anything I don't know who I am I don't know who to be I don't know I don't know I just don't know I don't know where I stand I don't know where to go I don't know I don't know I just don't know I just don't know where my life is taking me I just don't know and it makes me scared... sometimes I just don't know who I'm meant to be I don't know I don't know I don't know anything But all these questions arise Which I don't have the answers to I just don't know Will I ever be alright? Will I ever make it through? I don't know I just don't know 'Cause I don't know what I want I don't know what I need I don't know what to do I don't know what to say I don't know who I am I don't know who to be I don't know where I stand I don't know where to go I just don't know I just don't know I just don't know I just don't know I just don't know I just don't know anything...
10.
Dark voices 07:04
I keep hearing these voices These dark, dark voices They're stuck in my head And all these dark voices Sabotage my choices They make me go mad They're closing in on the win And there's no place to hide Mutiny from within A constant fight inside I keep hearing these voices These dark, dark voices They're yelling at me And all these dark voices Sabotage my choices 'Till I start to agree That I'm not worth a thing That my life's a mistake That I only bring Pain and heartache But what if those voices are right? They seem to know me through and through I try to tell myself that they are all lies But in my head it all sounds so true Oh, what if those voices are right? I just don't know what I should do All the darkness is blocking the light Please let it all end soon I kept hearing these voices These dark, dark voices They were wishing me dead And all these dark voices Sabotaged my choices Until I said Enough with these voices These dark, dark voices Stop driving me mad! Now all these dark voices Are no longer voices They're soft whispers instead So what if those voices are right? I too know myself through and through Even if those voices aren't telling lies The positive ones are also true So what if those voices are right? They cannot tell me what to do After embracing my darker side The light came shining through

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released January 31, 2018

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Ilseha Groningen, Netherlands

Ilseha is an independent artist from The Netherlands.

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